Tantra philosophy and practices include all aspects of life, nothing is left out, nothing is better or worse, which means that eroticism, sex, and sexuality are naturally part of Tantra — and life.
Nevertheless, misconceptions are rather prevalent when it comes to what Tantric Sex (or Tantric Lovemaking) means. It’s often brought as having slow sex, playful sex, gentle caresses, longer sex, exploring sexual boundaries and fantasies, increasing intimacy, or having better and more orgasms, or even having no ejaculation at all, but “explosive internal full-body orgasms.”
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The above all may and can be a result of engaging in Tantric Sex, those phenomena should be accepted and enjoyed, even practiced, but it isn’t its actual aim. Tantric Lovemaking hasn’t much to do with extraordinary sex poses and positions and neither with the Kama Sutra.
The actual goal of Tantric Sex practices is to let go of day-to-day subjective consciousness and to dissolve the ego (the feeling of separateness) into a form of consciousness where there’s no separation between the individual, others, and the Universe. Attaining this type of higher consciousness is strongly associated with Kundalini Awakening. The Tantric Sex partner serves as a help to come to this higher union and may equally benefit from the practice.
Tantric Sex is primarily a transformational tool, one that opens, explores, and uses a deeper self and partner connection on the physical and emotional plane to access other, often new states of consciousness.
In fact, Tantric Sex is ritual sex that uses sexual experiences for spiritual purposes, a kind of internal sexual alchemy, which includes awareness and mindfulness, and harnessing, redirecting, and transforming sexual energy into spiritual energy with an aim of spiritual advancement and experiencing oneness and Universal Bliss accordingly. Within and during this process, physical, emotional, and sexual healing can occur, which is rather seen as eliminating emotional and physical blockages as a preparation for spiritual work.
Tantric Sex can mean having sex, but often works in other ways with sexual energy, with full concentration and awareness, for which traditionally several techniques are taught. These techniques may indeed include certain sex positions, alongside Tantric Breathwork, Orgasm Control, Chakra Healing, Kundalini Energy work, Yoga exercises, mantras, visualizations, and meditative practices, among others. In Tantric Sex, one is focused entirely on the present moment and what is happening on the physical, energetic, emotional, mental and spiritual plane with yourself and your partner (if a partner is involved).
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Of course, sexual energy needs to be aroused first to be able to flow at all, and this is where the “erotic” part comes into play. In fact, from out a Tantric perspective, eroticism is simply a kind of foreplay, relating to the arousal of sexual desire and excitement. Tantra also teaches to trust, embrace, and become fully aware of one’s own and the partner’s body, desires, and emotions.
That all can certainly be pleasurable and (sexually) enjoyable, at the same time promoting a deeper intimacy and a closer relationship, and sure — Tantra embraces all aspects of life — but to get “stuck” on the emotional, sensual, and erotic level is, according to Tantric ideas, a lost chance.
In any case, what often goes wrong with Tantra in the West is that people get focused or obsessed by one of its aspects or practices, and make it a BIG BIG thing. And that is exactly what Tantra is NOT about. It’s about balance, leaving nothing out, and not focusing on only one or some specific thing(s). It’s about union and peace, about realizing non-duality in the midst of duality, it’s a kind of gentle middle way, and excessiveness and extremities may be some of the Tantric tools to reach that, but they are never an end.
